They should really pass out barf bags in church
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
