dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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