Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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