Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
