Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
try to milk me bitch
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
