i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
