How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
