Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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