Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize