You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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