He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
