you guys were way drunker than both of me
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
