just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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