Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
