She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
