I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
