I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
