Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
