When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
