Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
