Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
