What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
