I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
