I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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