I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
