Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
