his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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