yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
