Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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