it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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