this beer tastes like vomit already
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
