Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
