They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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