We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
What did we do last night that was yellow?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
