I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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