My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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