You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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