I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
