P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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