You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
