I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This is my gift to your gina
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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