Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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