How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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