my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
