Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
