After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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