so that wasnt chicken after all
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
