I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize