Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
