as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I love having hate sex.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
