she woke up with a sticky ear
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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