Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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