I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
