My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
