I need help removing her.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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