Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Buhtt sex?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
