): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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