Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
