My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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