and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
