Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Alive.
So much puke
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
