I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize