my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
