He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
