I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
