ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
