whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
