I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
