Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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